Why meal times should be about communication, not TV!

Eating at a meal table while watching TV is much more common than it used to be. Twenty years or more ago we might have sat down to eat at a table without a TV as often as three times a day. Having a TV present not only restricts conversation around the table but also models to babies and toddlers that it is possible to eat, talk and watch the TV at the same time – something which good communicators might do but not children who still need to learn the vital non-verbal conversational skills that enable us to communicate effectively.

Things have changed so much since the 1980s that meals are now mostly held either in front of the TV on knees or trays, or because of our busy lifestyles, at different times and in different parts of the house while we do other things. 

Let’s just think of how many non-verbal communication skills are developed round a family meal table, a great many of which are to do with learning to recognise the beginning and ending signals for daily activities and to predict what will happen next:

1. A baby sitting on his parent’s knee would see all that was going on at the table, as would a toddler sitting in her high chair
2. She would see the preparation of the meal, telling her food is on its way
3. The laying of the table, telling her food is coming and about how many people are expected
4. Parents calling for other members of the family to come and eat
5. The arrival of the food on plates telling her the food is served and that ‘eating time’ has started
6. They will then eat the food
7. The end of the eating activity will be indicated by empty and messy plates
8. There will be dirty cutlery to confirm this
9. The plates will be removed and taken to the sink or put in the dishwasher
10. The table is then in a state of flux awaiting the arrival of the pudding
11. The child might see the pudding being made ready
12. The pudding arrives on clean plates signalling the the start of the next course
13. People eat it and clear their plates signalling the end of eating
14. The table is cleared and the washing up started (the next activity with beginning and ends)

Why is this important? Because observing and predicting the start and finish of each element of our daily life helps us learn to anticipate what is going to happen next, deal with movement from one activity to another and, communicatively,  identify when words and sentences start and finish. There is much more that happens but I hope this gives an idea of how much can be learned simply by watching at mealtimes. If the TV is there to distract, the child may miss out on all this developmental input.

On top of what she can learn from watching, remember that throughout the meal family or carers will be talking about the food and what has been going on or will happen next – ‘Please pass the salt’, ‘Did you grow the potatoes?’, ‘How many sausages do you want?’, ‘What are we going to do after tea?’ etc – so that young children will listen and watch the signals passing between people telling them how to identify the ends of phrases and when it is their turn to speak, etc. They will also learn different ways of asking and responding to questions, intonation and facial expressions.

For more on all this and what can be done to make sure children don’t miss out on this essential period of development, please see my book, Not Just Talking which talks about this and much more about non-verbal communication development in children from birth until 19 years of age.

- Sioban Boyce
Speechmark author Not Just Talking